Through the Gate We Go - Decision Making Time
So here it starts, the first of the Sunday blogs. Last year I had so many intense experiences and lessons. This year is about stepping into my vision of what I really want. It's so easy to stay sleepy. To just remain in my head imagining the things and wishing. So this year I am about making decisions. Decide. Stope talking about it and decide. I will handle my business.
I so miss being my full musical self. I have been split down the middle for so long and although I am very grateful to the jobs I've had and the places it has taken us, it's always left me never quite my full self. Not as I really want to be. I remember what it feels like to be a full time artist. I felt whole. Now when I imagine myself stepping into being all her I say "oh there you are".
Note: my life is very different than in my 20s and 30s. I am married with a son and have a home to pay for and keep. I always wanted that. I remember some young dude saying "oh Carrie is one of those girls who wants to get married and have kids". What is wrong with that? Too conventional? I prize home. Always have BUT now I need to bring the musician me back into this picture and balance her back in.
So I'm deciding. I've decided. More visualization and stepping into more doing. I will let go of fear of the unknown and trust. I will work to support my art. I love what Elizabeth Gilbert said at her art: Never go into debt to become a writer. Always find other ways to support yourself so you can do the work you truly love for the right reasons. Never ask your art to support you. If you ask your art to support you it will either end up comprised or you'll be disappointed with it. It's a lot to ask of creativity for it to provide for you financially.
I am my full self. I can handle this. I have a solid friend circle. I can do this. Breathe.
PS: please enjoy my Lord of the Rings image. I am a geek.