Today is my brother Eric Akre's birthday! He is 49 years old and kicking ass! He's in the best shape of his life, drumming again, working, taking care of his health and working on creative things. Doing doing doing! We are a family of human doers a lot of the time. I'm in desperate need of getting better at acting as a human being. Everyone few months I hit a wall of too much input. Too much trying to solve. Too many podcasts. Too much intake. So much learning. Working on dreaming. Leveling up internally. SO MUCH LEARNING!!!!
I keep hearing my mom say "just have a day". Just be in this day. Let go. Be in my body, whether I like how much I weigh or not. See and hear my son. Show up. I put too much on my plate, a lot. I over schedule (due to my excitement at the time), I strive for several things at a time, get them and then am not fully there to enjoy. I'm working on this. Ha "I'm working on it" - oh for God's sake woman...Just be. Trust in the universe.
I really really really believe that my big purpose is to be a healer/coach/musician. I love coaching/helping support people to where they want to be. I truly LOVE the conversation. We are all in this walk together. I also love music. I love it as a vehicle of communion. I too have gone through things and live it with you every time. It took me a long time to find my "why I do this" and it is clear. It is an honor to be heard at all and the communing on top of it is a blessing and a gift.
I'm trying to get so much better and living my life ONLY as I see fit. I have habits of perfectionism, must do lists, but what I need is to do, see, act only as I want. This may sound like a no duh, Carrie, but this is a thing for me. This remembering of how I dream, things I'm interested in, where I want to go is different than the groups I have been a part of in the past. I am grateful, have love for those scenes I've been in and people I've created with etc... but I have to remember the things I used to like. Like what I day dreamed about in high school, prior to knowing anything - all that I know now. Those dreams were mine alone. My fantasies, wishes, born out of a lot of alone time. I dream of touring Europe. I dream of teaching retreats and traveling to places to learn healer practices. I dream of playing in Montreal. So many things in that direction.
So I "work" on it. Ha - Do something, let go, do something, take a break, do something, slow down. Dream it. It will show up.
And try to just have a day.